so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
