Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
