I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
