3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
