The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
