hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize