You just made me feel so damn special
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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