what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
