my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
