gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
