Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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