how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
