she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
