No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think i have two assholes
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
