her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
