I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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