so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
