You can't motorboat a personality
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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