Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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