So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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