Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
