I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
