just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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