Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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