Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
