You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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