Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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