Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
