I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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