i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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