I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
