I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
