If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
