1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
