worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
