she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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