Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you inspire me to be a worse person
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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