just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
