Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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