If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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