we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
