who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So much Jack, so little girl.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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