Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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