You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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