Where did you get a picture of my penis
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
