Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
