$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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