So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
