So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
