remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
