zippers are such a cool invention
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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