we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
